Better Sex In The Co-Op

In a city full of co-ops and apartments and other forms of stacked housing, I knew this problem was inevitable.  It was fun while it lasted. I have been lucky for many years up until now. Well like they say, all good things must come to an end right? Not if I can help it.

I've lived in beautiful co-op in gotham. The street is treelined and the co-op building is very clean and quiet. The mortgage is ridiculously low for 1125 square feet and the co-op fee includes everything.  I’ve been there since 2006. I completely love my living situation. 

Recently the co-op board has been accepting applications from younger people like myself.  What sucks is that two of these ‘younger’ co-op owners have become my neighbors.  One above me and one right beside me.  


Now herein lies the problem.  I officially have a case of the 'Noisey Neighbors'. The one beside me, I have already talked to about his noise and that situation seems to be rectified. BUT the worst noise comes from the neighbor above me.  He is loud in general, but he is VERY, VERY loud when he is having sex with the women that he invites over late at night.

I wake up in the middle of the night hearing everything in his master bedroom, which is right above mine. I hear everything from the bed doing the sex dance and the mood music to the grunts, moans, sighs and screams.  Now I am as freaky as the next, but I hate that I am unwillingly awakened by his sexual audio shows. I need to talk to him-eventually. Because I don't want to move. Yes, it is that bad.

I figure that he must not know that there are other sexual positions besides missionary or doggie style out there that are just as effective and wont have the bed doing the sex shimmy shake, or anything else.  I know that I am not the only one that has had this problem. Or, has been this problem. So I am looking out for people on both sides of the problem.  Here are '5- (quieter) sex moves' and '3-must have items' for more private and better sex in the co-op.

5-(quieter) sex moves:

Remember most women prefer deeper and slower instead of faster and harder.

1- Have her, stand on a bed or chair facing away from you and have her lean on your chest with her back.  Use his hands to support her by either holding her at her hips or the under side of her butt. She must use her knees as a spring when you enter her, to enhace motion.

2-Have him sit on the floor, indian style, with his hands on the floor behind him.  Climb in his lap and straddle him while kneeling.  Use his chest and shoulders as your support and ride him.

3-Lie on your stomach, legs straightened but slightly spread. Have him lay on top of you completely with his legs outside of yours.  Close your legs and cross your ankles when he enters you.

4-Lie on your back.  Have him lay on top of you letting his body lay completely on you with his arms on both sides of your shoulders.  Instead of the in and out motion, this position requires a rocking up and down motion from both partners.

5-The good old fashioned '69'.

3-Must have items:

1. The Liberator - It allow for sex to be had almost anywhere and in almost any position and it is padded so if you insist on having hard wood floors it can be done with this piece of furniture.

2. Scratch floor guards for you furniture. Buy a pack from bed bath and beyond or any retail store and put them on the bottom of the legs on your bed, tables and sofa. That way if you want to have sex on other pieces of furniture in your apartment, and you don't have carpeting, the rumbling on the floor will be muted somewhat.

3. Carpeting on everything except closets, kitchen and bathroom.

Hopefully someone will pass the link to this blog on to my neighbor so that I don’t have to have the conversation with him.

If you have any other quieter sex positions or suggestions that work leave me a comment.

Thanks!
MsYummyGirl