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As a woman dating, knowing there is a love waiting for me and having to go through the ordeal of kissing a lot of frogs before my prince arrives, I have been exposed to a lot of different things. The most recent, Men and their pre-teen daughters. I have come to realize that it is easier to date a man with a pre-teen son than a man with a pre-teen daughter.
The last 3 men that I have dated have young pre-teen daughters and it appears that they don’t know how to manage their time between the now 3-4 ladies in their lives (mother, baby mama, the woman they are dating and daughter). This is my advice to any woman who is dating any man with a young daughter. Listen carefully and it will make your dating life A LOT easier.
If he keeps putting you off and shuts down when his child is around, don’t even waste your time. RULE #1- RUN. R-U-N. Any man that is interested in you will MAKE time regardless of the situation and share time with you. How much time is subjective. But ultimately if you feel like you are being neglected for that daughter and he doesn’t include you (because that child is going nowhere and will ALWAYS be his child) head for the hills, sooner rather than later.
Here is why.
For a man, if you fight for time or are not compassionate about what unexpected dilemmas happen with raising a girl child, you will be seen in an unfriendly light (they forget that you were once a girl as well, and probably in the same situation, spending single dad time). IT will be an uphill battle and you probably wont win. Or, you will be on a slippery down hill slope where you can’t stop till you crash at the bottom.
SO, cut your losses early because this is not a battle you can win without probably being on the verge of death yourself. What has to happen in hopes of making life easier for the next generation however, is that mothers need to start training their sons and fathers need to start training their daughters, from when they are children on the right way to be in those kinds relationships (by example).
I am a product of a broken home and I was taught to be very independent by my mom but on the flip side my brothers were catered to in some respects so I have seen it and experienced all the scenarios (my brothers with their daughters, my father with me and my mother with my brothers and my mother with me). And in my adult life, I have seen a few of these scenarios with a few, not all, of my friends which has given me enough insight for me to make a correlation.
Parents, you may hate me for this but, THIS is what I have realized.
Ladies/Mothers-The son you are raising today is the man you are preparing for the next woman to deal with tomorrow.
And Men/Fathers- The daughter you are raising today is the woman you are preparing for the next man to deal with tomorrow.
So, ladies, if you do everything for your son, best believe that he will expect that from his woman. And men, what you do for your daughter(s), best believe that is what she will expect from the next man, in this mans world.
It is a known fact of life that-
Men first learn how to love a woman from their mothers and women first learn the love of a man from their fathers.
So here we have it, fast forward these children into adult hood and on one hand you have a woman that daddy did everything for looking for a man to be her rock (or if daddy wasn't around looking for a man to teach her love for the first time) and on the other hand, we get a man who’s mother did everything for him looking for that woman to do the same. Where is a loving/nurturing relationship in that?
So now here the women stand.
Wanting that attention from their man because that is what they were used to (or desperate for because they didn’t get it as a child). Then you start dating someone who doesn’t have time for you because of HIS daughter.
Ladies, Rule #2- See and identify this situation because, in essence YOU were probably a product of that same situation, in your adolescence, and here it is happening now with the daughter of the man you are dating...And she will grow up to be the same way (like you)... And the circle continues...
So, what do you do? Do you tell him? Hell No!
Rule #3-Do not say a thing about what you have identified. If he has no time and he has a young daughter, (Rule #1) RUN! R-U-N! By simply saying, to him, that he has more important things in his life he needs to take care of and you are looking for someone who has time for you and knows how to treat you right.
If you are single and you must date a man with child, Rule #4- Date a man with a son, it’s easier. But still if he doesn’t have time, either way, (Rule #1) RUN! R-U-N! But, ultimately it boils down to how much time he wants to share with you and in my experiences, it is harder to gain time when the man has a daughter(s).
Children are to be taken care of. And as men, typically not very involved or knowledgeable in the young years or because of a break up guilt, they over compensate their attention with their baby girls and over protect.
What men fail to realize is that karma can be a bitch and, how you treat your woman, who is another mans daughter, is the same way another man will probably treat your daughter. As sad as it may seem and as unfair as it may sound, it ALL stems from the mother.
SO, as a single woman [kindly] tell your lady friends, if they have a young son, Rule #5- Start prepare young sons to be a grown men for the next woman. Mothers, get your sons to man up. (not to be a mama’s boy there is a difference). And hopefully we'll see better relationships coming out of the younger generation.
